The Smile I Love
by Monochrome Romance
Summary: Russia, lonely, sad, constantly being forced to wrong the world, until one child comes along and changes things forever.
1. The Light I Found

Chapter 1

**{This could be considered an AU, so I'm making this up as I go, no historical value at all.}**

Snow fell onto the icy ground, nearly shrouding the freezing young man in white. Ivan leaned against a lone tree, simply watching the night, so quiet and lonely. As he endured his life, this was nothing compared to the things he'd gone through, seen, the things his master had made him do. He had yelled at his older sister, Katyusha, and made her cry again, so sensitive and fragile she was, much like a sunflower in many aspects. Ivan loved her so, and would never abandon her, lest she go insane alone.

After seeing her shed tears, he couldn't stay around to watch and had fled into the night, avoiding the city which was undoubtedly still busy. He hated how the children and their mothers looked at him with fear, and how their fathers looked at him with threatening, disgusted eyes because of his terrible deeds. He planned to sleep here, as he had spent many nights alone doing. Beginning to drift off into sleep, his eyes fluttered open again at hearing gentle sob, and footsteps not too far away.

"Hello?" he called, standing up and looking around. The teenager was then nearly knocked over by a young boy that had come running towards him, relief in his eyes. The young child clung to the bottom of his lengthy coat, tears in his eyes. "Finally! I found someone!" he said in an unfamiliar accent, but happily nonetheless. Ivan looked at the boy curiously, who certainly wasn't from around here. He was trembling with cold, and Ivan was surprised the child had made it this far from wherever he was from alive. He was dressed in a simple, flimsy dress shirt, a vest layering that, shorts that barely covered mid-thigh, and dress shoes over knee-high socks. His eyes were a bright blue, and he had soft looking blonde hair, a cowlick sticking up from the golden ocean of hair.

"What are you doing out here like this? Where are your parents?" Ivan questioned, sounding worried, mostly because he _was_ very worried about the boy. "I ran away." he said stubbornly, pouting. "My brother yelled at me.. he started ignoring me.. I couldn't take it any longer." he explained, looking at the ground. Ivan looked down at the naive little boy, he didn't encourage the child's actions, but he knew how it felt to want to be away from the silence directed toward you. "Da, I get it. I suppose you're just going to have to stay with me for the time being..What is your name?" Ivan asked, seeing the child look up curiously.

"Alfred Jones. What's yours?" he asked politely as Ivan mouthed the name, he liked it, of course. He liked the way it sounded as he whispered it gently. "I am Ivan Braginski." he simply said. He looked at the child, observing how tired he looked, and how cold he looked, determining that he wouldn't make it if they were to walk home now.

He'd simply have to hold him and hope for the best. Alfred smiled innocently, Ivan smiling back as he led Alfred to the tree, taking off his coat and wrapping it around Alfred to keep him warm. "Won't you be cold?" Alfred asked, concern in his eyes. "Nyet, I'm used to the cold, it's no problem." he murmured soothingly, pulling Alfred onto his lap to make certain the child was kept warm. He loved the feeling of being near someone who didn't fear him, it was a feeling of being totally accepted, and even admired a little. The child huddled close to him, listening to his heartbeat, strong and steady, soon lulling him to sleep. "Thank you Mr. Braginski." he mumbled, before closing his eyes.

Ivan stayed awake through the night, occasionally dozing off in order to wake up and keep watch for another hour. Dawn came after what seemed like an eternity, lighting the way home. Ivan didn't want to wake Alfred, so he simply carried him, not planning on taking his time getting to his home, since the temperature wasn't exactly an inferno. He trudged through the aftermath of the previous night's blizzard, getting home sooner than expected to see Katyusha come rushing out, eyes landing on the bundle in his arms. "Oh Ivan.. you haven't found another stray dog did you?" she asked, lasts night's dilemma instantly forgotten as he explained how how had found the boy. She hurried him inside, the drowsy child waking up, Katyusha beginning to fawn over him.

Ivan walked towards the kitchen, planning on making something to eat, given how starving he was himself, and how Alfred had complained of being hungry. "Brother?" a curious voice said from behind him, making the Russian turn to see his little sister Natalia. "Who is the little boy?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as she gently smoothed her tiny purple dress. "A guest for now, maybe the two of you can be friends." he purred reassuringly, seeing her shake her head immediately. "I don't like him.. I want him to go away.." she pouted, growing jealous. Ivan sighed heavily, dismissing her irritably, not in the mood for any of her childish antics. After relentlessly pulling on his coat, she went away, Ivan beginning to chop up vegetables and meats, every once in a while looking over at Katyusha and Alfred who were quietly chatting, Natalia lurking. In a half hour, Ivan had quickly made Borsch, a dish that he made often. Ushering the group to the dining table, he hung up his coat, and they began to eat, except Natalia, who objected, even though Borsch was one of the many things she loved that Ivan made.

Alfred looked at his lunch, tilting his head slightly. He wouldn't be picky, that wasn't polite- as Arthur said- but it did look strange. He took a spoonful and ate it, breaking into a smile after a small silence. "This is soooo good!" he gushed, Ivan laughing gently as Alfred began to eat his food hungrily. "Don't eat too fast, you'll get a bellyache.." Katyusha warned, trying to hold back her own laughter at the child's enthusiasm. For the first time, Alfred spotted the little girl watching them from the opposite hallway, pausing for a moment. "Mr. Braginski?" he asked, trying to get the older man's attention. "Da?" Ivan asked, looking over. "May I be excused?" Alfred asked, still looking over at Natalia. Ivan noticed this, and found it a great opportunity to irritate Natalia, who never ceased to find a way to annoy him daily. "Certainly." he replied sweetly, beginning to clean up the empty bowls as Alfred hopped off of his chair and ran after the young girl, Alfred's laughter followed by high-pitched squeals, as if Natalia had been waiting for Alfred to notice her.

Alfred ran after the other child, laughing lightly as she smiled brightly. They chased each other around the house, each child having a grand time. Soon they were both asleep on the couch, breathing softly. Ivan smiled, feeling a certain love for the child, as if Alfred were his own. However, he wasn't, and he wouldn't be, because he belonged to someone else, and as his savior, he would find who that was. But this was to be put up for another day, until he had time to ask about it Alfred's parents.

A meeting called for his aid, with a new possible friend. Grabbing his coat, he made a beeline for the door, not getting far before he felt a tiny hand grasp the hem of his coat. "Mr. Braginski? Where are you going?" Alfred asked, obviously not as deeply sleeping as the Russian had thought. "I have to go see if I can make a friend for the country." Ivan simply replied, trying to put political matters in a form a child would understand. Alfred's face lit up, and the boy began hopping up and down. "Can I come? It sounds fun!" he began to say, and it was almost hard for Ivan to shake his head. "Maybe next time." he said, not feeling like he had to explain himself. Alfred had a slight fever, so he didn't want the youngster out in the cold at the time, and the excitement of a meeting between multiple countries seemed like too much at the moment.

Alfred simply nodded and sighed, going and cuddling up next to Natalia, falling back asleep obediently. After a few seconds of waiting, Ivan went out into the cold morning, crisp and silent. He began walking down the secluded trail towards the city, taking time to ask about the child while there, but getting no results. _If I fail to find his parents.. I would gladly raise him myself.._ he thought, reaching the meeting hall that resided by the palace where his master lived. He hung up his coat once more, strolling into the lengthy, expansive room.

A blonde man sat at a long table, green eyes looking down. "Arthur Kirkland?" he asked, though he knew the answer even before the man nodded. "Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Braginski." he replied, shaking hands with the larger man and smiling absently, looking nervous, about what Ivan hadn't the slightest. "So. Let me explain this situation." Ivan started, and that was how the meeting began.

Alfred woke once more to Natalia poking his cheek. "Wake up Alfred.." she pouted, smiling triumphantly at seeing him awaken. "I want to play." Natalia demanded, watching as Alfred, who wasn't feeling well attempted to stand. The dizzy child's legs gave out under him, and instantly, too weak to stand, he was on the floor in a trembling heap. "Alfred? Alfie?" she asked shakily, calling him by the nickname she had given him.

"Katyusha! Alfie's broken!" she wailed, the woman rushing into the room, a look of shock appearing on her pale face, blue eyes wide. "Alfred?" she whispered, picking him up in a tender embrace, whispering soothing reassurances to the unresponsive boy, layering blanket after blanket over him. Alfred opened his eyes, glazed over and dead looking. "I'm cold.." he whimpered, Katyusha worriedly brushing a hand over his hair, his stubborn cow lick sticking back up. The two girls did the best they could to make him comfortable, able to put him to sleep before Ivan got home.

Ivan looked over at the young man after he finished negotiating. Hopefully Master would be pleased with his role played. "I'm going to have to ponder this..." Arthur murmured, sighing gently. The two men said their goodbyes and parted ways, Ivan getting home to find the boy sicker than when he had left, although the boy who had awoken upon his arrival looked ecstatic to see him and strained himself to reassure the worried Russian that he would be okay. "Really Mr. Braginski, I'm fine.." the younger whined as Ivan held him gently to warm him up. He had known many children in the city to die of fever, he wouldn't let the same be the end of Alfred.

Miraculously, the fever cleared up late into the night, Alfred finally able to doze off again. Ivan stayed by his side, making sure he slept peacefully, twitching at every cough the interrupted the silence. Soon he heard the boy breathing clearly, feeling his forehead to find the fever gone. _How did...? Could he possibly be like me? _ Ivan thought, almost excitedly. To think that another could be a nation as well, one that didn't fear him was relief in itself.

Morning soon came, waking the blonde child, Alfred spotting the older man on the sofa, face buried in a pillow. Ivan had insisted on watching him throughout the night, ignoring Alfred's pleas for him to rest. Standing up, he explored the house, standing on tip-toe to see a small doll, a deep indentation around the middle as if it opened. It resembled a young woman that wore clothing similar to what Miss Katyusha wore outside. He picked it up, the doll slipping open in his hand to reveal a smaller one, that also opened. Alfred sat at the dining table, doing this twelve times over until he got to a particularly small one, one that was small, even compared to his own hands. Little did he know Ivan had awoken and was closely watching him. "That's a Matroshkya doll. Do you like it?" he asked, startling the child. Alfred nodded quickly, Ivan smiling at this. "You can have it." he offered, seeing Alfred's face break into a grin. "Really? That's so great! Thank you Mr. Braginski... " he murmured gratefully. It made Ivan happy to see the young boy so happy.

_Maybe he can come to the meeting this afternoon.._ Ivan thought, leaving Alfred, playing with his doll to go find him a coat, maybe one from his younger cousin Nicolai, a boy not too much older than Alfred. Searching through the attic, he found a dark grey one, with deep pockets on the side and wool on the shoulders. "Here. For the outing." he said as he returned, to see Alfred eating some bread Katyusha had given him for a quick breakfast. "Are you taking Alfie to the meeting?" Natalia asked, tilting her head as she played with Alfred, who looked up from their innocent game to smile hopefully.

Ivan nodded calmly, but Alfred broke into excited laughter, trying on the coat that fit him perfectly. The dark color made him look mature, and the grey made his big blue eyes stand out even more. Ivan began to get his notes and documents together before leading Alfred into the snow, now able to stand it much more than when he wore little to no protection from the cold. He pranced around gleefully, slipping more than a few times. They reached the city, the woman wandering the streets looking surprised at the happy boy, and smiled a little at Ivan.

"How darling!" A young lady gasped, crouching down a little to see the other. Ivan watched warmly as she started a small conversation with Alfred. He had left the house early for this reason, because after parting this reoccurred three other times, two of which being men wanting to complement Ivan on such a lively child, the Russian simply nodding, because he didn't know what else to say.

They finally reached the conference hall, Ivan waiting with Alfred in the meeting room, Arthur running a little late. "Where could he be?" Ivan asked, Alfred beginning to pace by the door, which suddenly swung inward, the Brit appearing at the door, stopping when he saw Alfred. "Alfred?" he murmured, recognition in his voice as he addressed the frozen child.


	2. How I Found You Once More

Chapter 2

Alfred ran away from the other blonde, hiding behind Ivan. "Go away!" he said childishly. Arthur stepped back a little, looking guilty. "You spent all that time ignoring me.. Mattie too. Mattie didn't want to leave though.. he was too afraid.." Alfred growled.

Ivan looked at Alfred, and then over at Arthur. _This is the fool who had lost track of Alfred? Well then.._ he thought, shaking his head slightly. "Is this your brother?" Ivan asked, seeing Alfred nod reluctantly. Ivan hadn't wanted it to come to this, but he had to let Alfred go with his brother where he belonged.

"Alfred.. Even if he _did_ ignore you.. you have to be the better man and stay where you belong, it's your responsibility. I take it Mattie is your brother as well? He probably misses you terribly." Ivan murmured, confirming how Alfred was a nation like him, or most likely a colony, or he wouldn't have gotten ill in the first place.

Alfred sighed heavily, rolling his shoulders before looking at the ground. "I suppose.." he whispered, leaving the safety of Ivan's coat and turning to Ivan. "Goodbye.." Alfred sniffled, hugging him the best he could. Ivan smiled sadly, taking his tiny hands and placing a gentle kiss on them both. "I'm sure we'll meet again, Little Prince." he said tenderly, pride glowing in his eyes. Alfred began walking over to Arthur, who smiled thankfully over at Ivan and held the younger child's hand. Arthur was happy to have the little boy back, who had been missing for over a month. "No, I won't accept the alliance. I have too much to do back home." Arthur said, smiling contently. Ivan understood, and simply nodded, knowing that while Master certainly wouldn't be happy, there were plenty other chances to take a nation as an ally.

That night they were gone. Alfred looked out at the shore from the back of the ship, wishing he could have stayed as he stood on tip-toe to see the land fading into the distance. When they arrived home, he was greeted by Matthew, who cried with relief and held Alfred happily.

Ivan walked into the conference room, sighing as he irritably had yet another meeting, this time with a younger nation who wanted to open trade with him. Sitting down at the table, he grumbled about how Natalia and Katyusha had once again screamed and grumbled and whined this morning. Could he ever get peace and quiet for once? The door opened, a blonde young man strolling in, folder in hand. "Hey there." he said, smiling sweetly. "Privyet." Ivan murmured, reading through his notes, not seeing him. He looked up, heart jumping into his throat as Alfred adjusted his glasses. _It's.. no. It can't be.. he was just a.. he's gotten so big.._ Ivan thought, his fatherly feeling thrown out the window and being replaced with something that felt so much stronger. His chest ached, palms growing moist, he could almost hear himself shivering, "You okay Sir?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Ivan looked back up at the other, which was an almost painful, if not excruciating act.

"Da, I'm fine." he replied, Alfred holding out his hand for Ivan to shake. "I'm Alfred F. Jones, nice to meet ya." the American said, Ivan shaking his hand. "Ivan Braginski." he replied. Alfred tilted his head a little, blue eyes framed by subtly designed glasses suddenly widening and glowing with recognition as he flashed a smile worthy of any picture. "Is it...?" he began. Ivan had no shame, so he simply knelt down and kissed his hand softly. "Indeed it is, Little Prince." the Russian whispered. Alfred grinned and watched the larger man stand up once more. "I said we would meet again." Ivan said. Alfred nodded, and they got back down to business after a further greeting. "How have you been Mr. Braginski?" Alfred asked, running a few fingers through his hair, the stubborn cowlick once more bouncing into place. "Call me Ivan, I'm certain you've reached the age where a first name basis is acceptable." he explained, clearing his throat before continuing. "But I've been fine, you?" the Russian asked, evoking a small groan from Alfred. "You have no idea.." he muttered, rolling his shoulders. A small silence passed, before Ivan spoke up again. "Let's get to discussing trade, shall we?" he asked, and thus they began talking business.

Alfred closed his folder, smiling down at it as he traced an invisible circle on the leather. "Well, the deal is done. This means we'll see much more of each other now." Alfred explained, standing up, shaking hands with Ivan once more and going to the door. "Alfred! Wait!" Ivan said, as the American was about to go down the hallway. His head poked through the doorway again, eyebrows raised questioningly. "I was wondering if maybe.. you'd like to join me for dinner?" he asked, smiling.

Normally he would eat alone, quietly, glaring at everyone who dare send a stare his way. But this change was one he failed to notice, because this change was so unnoticable when there was no one to point that change out. He had treated Alfred as a friend, instead of an enemy as he saw the rest the world. Alfred didn't know, nor did he care how Ivan treated others, ever since he left Arthur for good, he had focused on nothing but trade, building a strong army, with strong alliances to act as supports. The whole ordeal had sent him reeling, as if he were on a balance beam one thousand feet in the air, made of twigs, his supports paper thin. "I'd love to." Alfred said, waiting for Ivan to hold the door for him. Being so close to Alfred, even a little caused Ivan to smile. However, he realized that Alfred probably had some pretty girl on his arm, he certainly wouldn't want Ivan over a woman. Ivan _was_ broken, he _was _tainted, and he knew for certain he was someone that not even the most desperate people would want to spend their days with.

Alfred felt gentle excitement tingling in his chest, to see Ivan again, someone he had thought of as dead. The last time he had seen Ivan, the elder looked so sad and broken, it seemed as if he would cave in any second from the agony he carried around. The day he left the Russian behind he vowed that he would dedicate himself to anyone who had shown as much understanding and kindness to him as Ivan had, if he were to never see the man again. But he had, and that meant he would stay loyal to the other, even if it never came to anything other than friendship, which in Alfred's mind, Ivan was a well respected gentleman, with women probably lined up for him. Alfred was a sickly, scrawny teenager who seemed to have nothing going for him. His heart sank as he realized Ivan was a thousand miles out of his league.

Alfred's eyes looked the other over; pale skin, shadowy purple eyes and blonde hair, which seemed on the edge of brown, were his main features, but what really caught Alfred's attention wasn't any of those features. What made Alfred's heart race was Ivan's white lips, tinted with a slight pink, like the cherry blossoms he had once seen as a child. Those lips looked so kissable, so soft and warm, if only he could, he would without hesitation. For a second he wanted to corner Ivan against the wall, just to see a look of shock, a helpless look of temporary surrender until the foreigner pieced together what was going on, and would fight back only to have the other man restrain him enough to press his lips against his captive's and entrance him. This was Alfred's fantasy talking though, and this meant there was a slim chance of this happening at all.

Alfred insisted they go to a nice restaurant not too far away from the place where the meeting had taken place. It was nice and warm, the decor welcoming, and if Alfred hadn't called it a restaurant, he wouldn't have minded curling up for a nap in one of the chairs seated by the fireplace.

Ivan looked at the menu, wondering exactly what it was that he wanted to eat, the excitement of seeing the little boy, now fully grown had made his appetite disappear. In the end, he figured he would simply order some chicken soup as Alfred had. "Sorry for the awkward silence.. We don't get many foreigners, at the moment, we're still getting past the crawling stage, so we're on high alert. " Alfred explained.

Ivan noticed the young man looking a little edgy, and remembered hearing that he had a mental breakdown after his country split and began fighting each other. _That must have been brutal.._ he thought, rolling his shoulders uncomfortably. He honestly hadn't expected the child to grow to adulthood, he had been so small, so innocent. He hadn't seemed like the child that could exceed all expectations and survive all the pains and all the torture a growing nation had to endure; loss, combat, enemies, bloodshed.. yet he still made it through, despite how pathetic he had started out as.

"It's no problem." Ivan replied, smiling gently. "I understand what it's like, don't worry." he added, watching as the other smiled gently, their food arriving. Alfred instantly began eating, obviously hungry after a long meeting that had taken up more than half the day. Ivan noticed how the shadows from his rolled-up sleeves made it look like he had deep cuts on his arm, and it was beginning to disturb him, until he realized those were actually cuts.

_Did he?_..._I doubt it.._ he thought. Alfred was a smart boy, he wouldn't deliberately hurt himself. Alfred caught Ivan staring, and suddenly looked guilty, rolling down his sleeves as far as they could go. "I'm sorry.." he whispered, looking at the surface of the table. "It's so I don't go to sleep at night.. I have too much work to do, and it helps with my stress.. what's the worst it could do anyway?" he asked, shrugging a little. Ivan now felt pity surfacing in his mind, this boy needed sleep, as well as help, some major, major help, or he'd eventually become a power hungry tyrant that killed himself in the end because he had worked himself too hard. "You really should sleep. Eventually it will cease to do anything, and you'll simply black out." Ivan pointed out, ignoring his table manners and taking Alfred's hand to examine the wounds.

They were fresh, and in the dimly-lit room, from what he could see, they were exceptionally deep as well. Alfred's hand was ice cold, and for the first time that day he noticed how pale the teen was, and that he was trembling. "It's best for you to avoid doing this.. promise me you won't." Ivan asked, holding Alfred's wrist to his cheek, gently hugging it. Alfred flinched, his pained expression soon relaxing to a guilty look. "I'll try." he whispered, still tense and looking like he wasn't planning on allowing Ivan any closer than this. _He feels the same way about me.. I can tell.. why does he keep acting as if I'd hurt him?_ Ivan thought, watching as Alfred eventually pulled his arm away and the duo continued to eat.


	3. ATTENTION

ATTENTION MY DEARS.

I will no longer be posting on any of my stories until they are completed, due to the writer's trench that I have fallen into.

BUT. They will still be up for your viewing. Please feel welcome to view my other story which IS complete, the pairing being America and Belarus. I will update daily while I work on climbing out of this fucking trench.


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